Dear Quentin,
My problem is that I don’t know how to spend money in a way that helps me enjoy myself or makes my life better or more comfortable. I can afford to spend more than I do — in fact, I could buy just about anything I want — but I have great difficulty actually spending money. I struggle to find things that truly meet my expectations.
A couple of issues come up repeatedly:
First, if I want to buy new, nontoxic, sustainably made living-room furniture, I need to have a clear idea of what I want. After spending hours browsing online and not finding anything that meets my criteria, I become mentally exhausted and end up not ordering anything. Even when I do make a purchase, I often don’t like it once it arrives, which makes me reluctant to try again.
Second, when it comes to hiring services — landscaping, home remodeling or interior design — it’s difficult to find people who both have the skills to do a good job and care enough to do it well. I decided I would enjoy having a new patio. My contractor’s work was so poor that I feel I could have done a better job myself if I had been physically able. It was very discouraging.
I have already identified beneficiaries of my trust, and I will likely be one of those cases where people say, “I had no idea they were a millionaire!” I live in a modest, fully paid-off home, drive an older car, have comfortable but dated and worn furniture, and buy clothes at thrift stores. My monthly income more than covers my expenses without my needing to draw on my investments.
Honestly, I don’t want a bigger house, a newer car or lots of new clothes. I don’t enjoy traveling (it’s not much fun to travel alone), dining out (again, not as enjoyable alone), or spending money on things when I can’t find exactly what I want — and may not like them anyway once I have them. I don’t have a spouse, children or grandchildren to spend money on, either.
At this point, I have more money than I know what to do with. I would like to use some of it to enjoy life more, but I simply don’t know how. It’s certainly a first-world problem, and I am grateful to be in this position. I donate to charities and have created a scholarship, but those things don’t make my day-to-day life any happier, more comfortable or more satisfying.
Any suggestions?
A Regular Reader
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.
Dear Reader,
Don’t try to be somebody you’re not.
You like the simple things in life: thrift stores, old furniture with a history, a car that gets you from point A to point B and a modest house with no mortgage, perhaps with hedges low enough that you get to chat to your neighbors. The fact that you have worked hard and saved well does not mean that you have to spend your money. Your assets can be your legacy. You don’t have to turn Evian water into Acqua di Cristallo, or prosecco into Bollinger Vieilles Vignes Françaises.
There are ways you can improve your shopping experience: A great mattress can be the most satisfying purchase ever and can last years, for example. Investing in really good lighting can do more than any interior designer could hope to achieve. Wallpaper and color and throw pillows can make an old sofa look and feel like a throne. And, sure, try out a personal shopper or interior designer, after asking to see their work. You can pay them in tiers and, if it doesn’t work for you, at least you tried it.
Do you have a first-world problem? Sure. Millions of Americans have first-world problems. Not getting a thank-you note for a wedding gift. Or a condo board forgetting to bill for storage fees. And those who decry people for asking for help when they have enough money to see them through retirement — on paper — are probably dealing with their own first-world problems every day. For you, goods and services serve a utilitarian function. And that’s cool in my book.
You’re smart enough to know you’re not in competition with anyone for the next status-conscious Instagram update, and you’re certainly not in competition with yourself. Net worth and self-worth are not the same thing. Sometimes, the former can change significantly overnight with no input from us whatsoever, for example via an inheritance that leaves us with questions about investments, lifestyle, taxes and retirement.
Never underestimate the joys of a good mattress and flattering indoor lighting.
But if we seek self-worth from a three-piece living-room suite from Fendi Casa, we will never stop spending because, as you are painfully aware, self-worth is an inside job. You don’t feel the need to advertise your wealth and, despite your efforts, fancy stuff doesn’t make you feel like you’re looking in a mirror at an image of your own self-satisfaction. It may be that you’re happy being an introvert. It may be that you’re comfortable in your own skin. Or both.
About those issues you have with spending money: The perils of buying furniture online are not exclusive to people who are difficult to please through no fault of their own. Roughly 30% of people who buy furniture online are not entirely happy with the final result, at least according to some surveys. The advantage of shopping online, of course, is that you can browse from an almost infinite number of items by material, color and size. That saves time. But there’s a lot to be said for testing sofas in a store, too.
You are also suffering from a very modern malady: decision paralysis. More than 70% of consumers in this poll said they had abandoned online shopping baskets within the last three months because they felt bombarded by and overwhelmed with choices. Manufacturers do their best to please everyone and, when their products arrive looking different from the artificial-intelligence fantasy presented, they risk pleasing no one. Don’t expect perfection.
As for your patio contractor, spare a thought for this reader, who kept hiring the same heating engineer to fix the same problem, or this fellow, whose contractor quoted him an extra $1,000 without missing a beat to install a door when he discovered that the job would be smaller than anticipated — and insisted on getting the money up front. (The householder canceled the check.) Even when we do our due diligence and ask for samples or references for someone’s work, we can never be 100% sure.
Related: ‘I plan to exit corporate life’: I’m 50 and have $400,000. My wife is a teacher. Can I retire at 55?
AI opens up new paths for labels and musicians, but what happens when AI stars emerge? We spoke with a record executive, a professor, a copyright lawyer and a musician to analyze the risks and opportunities for the industry’s future.Estate planning in an imperfect world
Estate planning is crucial, especially for someone who is single and has no heirs. If you passed away without a will or a trust, your money would be distributed to extended family members (siblings, if your parents are no longer living, or cousins if you had no parents or siblings). This planning includes the money you’re leaving to your cherished charitable causes: The more assets you can leave to beneficiaries as transfer-on-death or payable-on-death, the more of your estate will bypass probate.
Remember that Medicare does not cover long-term care. Long-term-care insurance could bring you peace of mind. The cost of such insurance effectively doubles between your 60s and 70s. Most people in their 60s can expect to pay a premium of $313 a month, compared with $536 for someone 75 years old, according to SmartAsset. It’s more expensive for women due to their longer life expectancy: $524 for a 65-year-old single woman versus $966 for a 75-year-old woman.
In your 50s and 60s, you should think about the other ways you spend money — namely topping up your retirement accounts and managing your risk tolerance. An 80/20 ratio of stocks to bonds would be considered aggressive, but not for someone who does not have to draw down money from their investments in a down market, while a 50/50 ratio would be quite conservative. A 60/40 stock/bond mix would be moderate for someone who has funds beyond a retirement account to draw down.
A few years ago, after a tennis game in New York’s Central Park with a friend who is solidly part of the 1%, I asked her why she didn’t need social media or tons of friends to feel happy and content in life. She led a pretty frugal lifestyle. Her mother-in-law once offered to spend $50,000 on her teeth but, like Queen Elizabeth II, she stuck with her OG choppers. I always thought that was funny. I said, “Where do you get your self-belief from?” She replied, “God.”
The best things in life are not always free, but there’s plenty you can do without conspicuous consumption.
We all have our own version of God or the gods, but I tell you this story because when we shop, we are sometimes trying to fill that God-shaped hole. Millions of people struggle every day to pay their bills, and they write in to this column too. This woman’s partner has no savings. And this reader’s mother has no job and no home. My advice is the same, even if the details differ. Take it one step at a time, work hard and make sure your income exceeds your expenses.
The best things in life may not always be free, but there’s plenty you can do with or without money that does not involve conspicuous consumption. That could include joining a book club, a golf club or a tennis club; signing up for a pilates, yoga or cooking class; learning how to play bridge or pickleball; volunteering at a local nonprofit or community garden; or even joining your local library, where you will find interesting talks and other events. It’s all to play for.
As for travel, you can try group trips and, if you don’t like them, you don’t have to go back. I recently suggested European river cruises to a woman whose husband has early Alzheimer’s. You could also sign up for a group cooking or writing holiday. There’s so much you can do at home and away that involves community. You can, even if it sounds like an oxymoron, travel alone without being a solo traveler.
Pay the extra money to fix the patio if it annoys you, and let go of your frustration around the guy who did not do the job properly. Purchase imperfect secondhand garden furniture where you can sit and drink tea and read an imperfectly wonderful book by your favorite author. That too is a form of travel and community. Memorable characters will keep you company for a lifetime. Don’t be a model consumer. Enjoy everything you have accomplished, including this day.
It’s the only one we have.
Related: I have a ‘mundane’ First World problem: Should I buy a $30,000 bracelet during a global pandemic?
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More columns from Quentin Fottrell:
‘I hope to retire at 59’: I have $950,000 in my 401(k)s. When do I do a Roth conversion?
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