Hayden Panettiere is opening up about the decision to give up custody of her daughter, and the "heartbreaking" suggestion that she abandoned her.
The "Scream VI" star detailed the move to give over full custody to her daughter Kaya's father, Wladimir Klitschko, in 2018 following a battle with postpartum depression and addiction during an appearance on Jay Shetty's "On Purpose" podcast on Monday, May 11. The actress is set to release a memoir, "This Is Me: A Reckoning," Tuesday, May 19.
"The idea that anybody would think that I would just give away my child and be OK with it is heartbreaking," she told Shetty. "It couldn't be further from the truth. It became this horrible cycle for years of battling depression and anxiety and alcoholism and substance abuse, and just me trying to find my way back."
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The "Heroes" actress, 36, shares 11-year-old daughter Kaya with former fiancé Klitschko, a Ukrainian former professional boxer.
Panettiere, who was starring on the country music drama "Nashville" as troubled singer Juliette Barnes when she became a mother, said her storyline began to mirror her life. She addressed the "misconception" that she had been "forced into treatment" in 2015, saying, "I have been the one who sought it out, who was saying, 'I desperately need help. I know this is going to look terrible, but I am. I cannot live like this anymore.'"
The actress pursued treatment for alcoholism, but it didn't address her postpartum depression, leaving her feeling "unfixable" and having to do her own research to determine "what it was that was going on with me." She added that the "stigma" around postpartum made it hard for her loved ones to understand.
By the time Klitschko decided 2-year-old Kaya should live with him in Ukraine, she said she was "having to act my way through" her mental health and addiction struggles, "and just feeling like I completely lost myself."
Panettiere has previously opened up about the criticism. On a 2022 episode of "Red Table Talk," she said the move to give up custody "wasn't a discussion" and that Klitschko thought "that I could choose to snap out of it." At the time that she signed the papers, she said she believed Kaya would come back to live with her when she got healthy, "but that didn't happen."
"When that first happened, I did not have a good reaction to it. I went like 'mother lion.' I would have burnt the world down for my child," she told Shetty, but she eventually realized that Kaya had already started building a "beautiful life" in Ukraine.
"By the time I finally got healthy, I felt like it would have been unfair of me to and selfish of me to try to pull her out," Panettiere added. The pair now "spend a lot of time on FaceTime," and she travels to Ukraine "as much as I can."
She's an incredible little girl, so happy and speaks five languages and rides her horses and knows that she's got two parents that love her," the actress continued. "And I know in my heart that she feels supported."
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental and/or substance use disorders, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's free and confidential treatment referral and information service at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). It's available 24/7 in English and Spanish (TTY: 1-800-487-4889).
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Hayden Panettiere defends painful decision to give up custody of daughter
