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Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I have a 7-month-old son, “Jeremy.” Recently, Jeremy’s grandmother “Lucinda” came for a visit and did something that has me blind with rage. Jeremy is teething, and Lucinda likes to have brandy every evening. I left her with Jeremy while I took a work call. When I came back, she had her finger in his mouth. When I asked what she was doing, she said she’d dipped her finger in her brandy and rubbed it on his gums because it “helps with teething pain.” I shouted so loudly my husband heard me from the backyard.
Fortunately Jeremy didn’t seem to suffer any ill effects, but I cannot believe my husband’s grandmother thinks giving brandy to an infant is appropriate. After this, I don’t want her around my son ever again. My husband thinks I’m overreacting. Please tell me I’m not.
—Buzzed Baby
Dear Buzzed,
You’re overreacting—but I understand why. Your husband’s grandmother didn’t “give brandy to an infant,” she rubbed a very small amount of it on his gums. This is an old-school teething remedy that goes back generations; admittedly, I rubbed cognac on my own infant’s gums. Unsurprisingly, professionals advise against it, and while I did find one tragic story of a baby dying after her parents did this, it seems likely that they used an excessive amount of alcohol and there were other signs of neglect in the home.
You’re not wrong to be completely opposed to anyone putting alcohol in your baby’s mouth, but it is unlikely that your grandmother-in-law used an amount that could have caused any harm; a finger dipped in brandy can only hold but so much. I do think you should apologize to her for yelling: She’s an older woman who did something that was likely common when she was raising children. You should also let her and your husband know that your child is not to be subjected to this method again and that her ability to spend time with him hinges upon her ability to respect that rule. Please try and forgive her; she meant your son no harm and was only doing what she knew how to do to help ease his pain.
—Ilyce
My husband and I married somewhat later in life and agreed that we would not take extraordinary measures to have kids if it came down to it. Well, turns out we would need them. Aside from being in the “geriatric” pregnancy age range, I’d need extensive tests and procedures and likely many rounds of IVF to get even close. And it would still be medically dangerous in some ways. So, having shared this with him, I made a kind of sad peace with it a year or so ago. I’ll be OK if it’s just us and the pets, and I’m open to adoption. Tonight after his regular therapy session, though, he said his therapist told him to tell me how sad he is over it.
