Saturday Night Live kicked off this weekend’s show with a political barroom sketch mocking the alcohol use of Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.
The cold open featured Weekend Update host Colin Jost as Hegseth, guest host Matt Damon reprising his role as Kavanaugh, and special guest Aziz Ansari appearing as Patel at Martin’s Tavern in Georgetown, Washington, D.C.
Newsweek has contacted the Department of Defense, the FBI, and the Supreme Court for comment.
Cold Open Targets Drinking Culture
Jost’s Hegseth character attempts to order a “reverse Irish car bomb,” described by the bartender as “a shot of beer with a pint of whiskey dropped into it,” a joke that set the tone for the segment’s running theme about heavy drinking.
The sketch leaned heavily on each character’s public reputation. Hegseth joked that he preferred drinking in a place where he would not run into colleagues, a nod to longstanding media scrutiny of his alcohol use during his television career.
“It’s just nice to have my sneaky bar here where I’m not gonna run into anyone from work. Because none of [President Donald] Trump’s people like drinking as much as I do.”
Supreme Court Gets the ‘SNL’ Treatment
Damon’s Kavanaugh enters moments later, responding to Jost by saying he is “wrong” and shouting “Order! Order in the court!” before immediately ordering “six Bud Lights and three shots of J-Mo,”
Kenan Thompson’s bartender character responds, “Yep, a 6-3 decision. Coming right up, your Honor,” a not-so-subtle reference to the Supreme Court’s conservative majority.
The two characters exchange greetings, with Kavanaugh addressing Hegseth as “Pistol Pete” and joking, “Did I include you on a signal chat by accident?” before adding, “I just saw all the women covering their drinks.” The pair then reflect on their current roles, with Hegseth saying, “Dude, can you believe I just, like, started a war?” and Kavanaugh replying, “Can you believe I ended abortion?…your body, my choice.”
The conversation continues with references to foreign policy and domestic issues. Hegseth describes the conflict as “totally chill…it’s like me at a DWI [driving while intoxicated] checkpoint. It completely blew over,” while a prop drawing is introduced as a Tennessee voting district before being recast as “a field sobriety test.”
Damon’s Kavanaugh says that “the real war right now is the war against…male loneliness,” adding that he wishes “there were more people in this administration who could really hang.
Ansari’s Patel arrives next, saying, “So what’s up? Are we wilding out tonight or what?” He introduces a bottle of “FBI bourbon,” saying, “I made my own FBI bourbon with my name on it…somehow this is a real thing that I, the FBI director, had made.” He adds, “I bring my own alcohol to bars because sometimes they think I’m a kid with a fake I.D.”
Patel continues with additional jokes about his personal life and role, including, “We’re all living the American dream. I’m the first person in my family to go to college parties many years after graduating.”
Kavanaugh shared a “top-secret” revelation, saying, “We’re gonna let Trump do a third term.”
Trump has publicly teased the possibility of pursuing a third term in office, despite the fact that it is prohibited under the 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
A History of Drinking Allegations
The three man at the center of the sketch have faced allegations surrounding their past transgressions involving alcohol.
The satirical mocking comes after The Atlantic dropped a report alleging concerns among current and former officials about Patel’s alcohol use and claimed he appeared intoxicated on multiple occasions while on the job. The article, based on interviews with more than two dozen sources, described internal unease about his conduct and decision-making at the FBI. Patel has disputed the reporting and has filed a lawsuit in response.
The Atlantic also reported that Patel has distributed custom-branded whiskey bottles bearing his name, title, and FBI insignia at official and semi-official events. According to the report, the bottles have been handed out in multiple settings and have prompted internal discussion among current and former officials about workplace culture and professionalism within the bureau. The FBI has defended the practice as consistent with longstanding tradition and ethics guidelines. Patel has denied any wrongdoing.
Meanwhile, Hegseth has faced repeated public scrutiny over alcohol use, including questions about whether drinking has affected his professional conduct in past roles. In interviews and public statements, he has acknowledged drinking heavily after returning from deployment and described using alcohol to cope with experiences from military service, while insisting he does not have a current drinking problem.
During his 2018 Supreme Court confirmation hearings, Kavanaugh faced repeated questioning over his drinking history, including from Democratic senators and classmates who raised concerns about alcohol-fueled behavior during his high school and college years.
Kavanaugh acknowledged drinking in his youth, telling the Senate Judiciary Committee that he “liked beer,” but denied ever blacking out or engaging in the kinds of conduct described in allegations made against him, which he called false and politically motivated.
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